<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>not my familiar by thenew</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25688446">not my familiar</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenew/pseuds/thenew'>thenew</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SCP Foundation, ゼロの使い魔 | Zero no Tsukaima | The Familiar of Zero</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Why Did I Write This?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:47:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>491</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25688446</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenew/pseuds/thenew</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Louise summons the foremost dado world renowned pharma bro and owner of many fine businesses like adult-free daycare and auto repair.</p><p>u trust dado.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>not my familiar</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>My servant that exists somewhere in this vast universe, my divine, beautiful, wise, powerful servant, heed my call! I wish from the very bottom of my heart - add to my guidance and appear!</em>
</p><p>A blinding flash of light and a powerful explosion.</p><p>Did it work? Did she summon anything?</p><p>Louise exhaled in frustration as her spell created another explosion. Her classmates whispered to each other.</p><p>
  <em>‘Figures it would explode...’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘She's the Zero, isn't she?’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Wait, who is that guy?’</em>
</p><p>The smoke cleared.</p><p>There was <em>something </em>there.</p><p>She had succeeded.</p><p>She had succeeded!</p><p>Now, what had she summoned?</p><p>It seemed to be... a man?</p><p>He seemed to be a commoner, dressed in strange clothing. </p><p>His clothes were horrible, rainbow and checkered patterns. His matching hat was worn so low it obscured the upper portion of his face.</p><p>
  <strong>"…dado should have stayed on earth and taken bezos to small claims court of afternoon tv. yes."</strong>
</p><p>What?</p><p>He tilted his head and seemed to stare at them.</p><p>
  <strong>"who are u and what did u do 2 dado"</strong>
</p><p>His <em>voice</em> sounded... weird. Who was this commoner?</p><p>“I summoned you for my familiar contract!”</p><p><span class="dado dado2"><strong>"dado -"</strong></span> he paused to clear his throat. <strong>"dado does not undertand. what is contract to dado to sign?"</strong></p><p>So the commoner did not understand the familiar contract. Just great.</p><p>Colbert stared at the commoner.</p><p>"Your... name? Is Dado?"</p><p>The man nodded.</p><p>
  <strong>"yes i am dado of course purveyor of fine dado business. pls forgive spelling error hamster is often walk about the keyboard and"</strong>
</p><p>From his mouth came a distorted sound. It sounded like someone had mashed a ton of sylablles together. Colbert gasped.</p><p>"What is this!?"</p><p>
  <strong>"hamster is walk about the keyboard"</strong>
</p><p>They both blinked. Who was this man? </p><p>Professor Colbert sighed.</p><p>"Mister... Dado?"</p><p>
  <strong>"yes?"</strong>
</p><p>"Miss Vallière here summoned you to be her familiar."</p><p>
  <strong>"dado not get it. dado was at moon escape while run from moon champion."</strong>
</p><p>What?!?</p><p>
  <strong>"dado not familiar. valeria never see dado before. dado sure. how is dado familiar then?"</strong>
</p><p>V-Valeria?!? Her classmates were laughing at them. This... commoner! Was he stupid? </p><p>"Dado, we just need to complete the ritual. Could you take your hat off?"</p><p>
  <span class="dado dado2">
    <strong>"u no like dado ringmaster costume? okay, dado take costume off, yes? took costume off for magic snek clown at moon a few time ago."</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>He slumped over.</p><p>
  <strong>"no one like magic dado ringmaster costume. hamster said it was ok."</strong>
</p><p>Then he took off his hat. Her classmates screamed in fright, and her teacher fell, his eyes filled with horror. <em>W</em><em>hat was this thing?</em></p><p>"W-what's wrong with your face?"</p><p>
  <strong>"uppercase key broken, obviously."</strong>
</p><p>The man stood up. </p><p>
  <strong>"u r interest in see cat log of valuable remedy? yes i show this 2 u. dado has what fixes the ails in u. "</strong>
</p><p>He cleared his throat again and begun to rant in his bizarre tongue about "snooze pills" and "dado old raw dog pills".</p><p>What had she brought into this world? </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>